Sigh.

I really don’t know where or how to begin. So here goes nothing.

Lionsgate Motion Picture Group and Gearbox have officially announced that Kevin Hart has signed on to play Roland in the Borderlands movie adaption directed by Eli Roth.

No, that’s not a typo. Yes, you read that right. Kevin Hart is playing Roland. I just seriously can’t even right now.

For those of you who don’t know, Roland is a big bad military Vault Hunter that was playable in the first Borderlands game and then was a character that figured big into the story of Borderlands 2. For comparison, this would be like casting Kevin Hart as Superman. It just doesn’t fit.

“I’m thrilled to be working with Kevin,” said Roth in a statement. “Borderlands is a different kind of role for him, and we are excited to thrill audiences with a side of Kevin they’ve never seen before. He’s going to be an amazing Roland.”

He ain’t lying that Borderlands is a different kind of role for him! And does anyone really doubt they will see a different side of Kevin Hard than they’ve ever seen before? Yeah right! Dude is gonna run around screaming at the top of his lungs in that annoying voice of his and you betcha there will be “jokes” about his size.

Sure, Kevin Hart will draw all the young crowd and the cool hipsters who think short dudes that yell all the time are funny. So yeah, you have an audience. But it doesn’t work. Roland does have some humor but he’s kind of a no nonsense rough and tuff military type. Kevin Hart is anything but. Plus, he may actually be shorter than I am and that’s short. Sure, I’m probably just nit picking but come on man! Kevin’s buddy ‘The Rock’ Dwayne Johnson would be better for the role. He has the look, the body size, and the charisma. He can be big and bad and funny at the same time! Heck, Terry Crews would have worked.

I was so excited when the movie was officially announced with Eli Roth as the director. I’m a huge Borderlands fan and a fan of Eli Roth. both as a director and actor. Eli’s work has been hit or miss but his style and sense of twisted humor actually kind of works for Borderlands. Then they announced that Cate Blanchett was starring as Lilith. Cate is a fantastic actress and while she wouldn’t be my choice for Lilith, I can actually see that role working out.

So my excitement level which was about as high as it could get has sunk to about as low as it can get. In fact, I have more faith that the Tennessee Volunteers will hire a decent coach than believing Kevin Hart will work as Roland (and trust me, as a life long Vols fan, the Vols are a disaster and will not hire a decent coach).

Anyways, Kevin Hart is Roland. I could be wrong and Kevin Hart might be amazing and steal the show. I doubt it.