“Locked…loaded…and ready for war.”

“What are you doing?” Okura asked.

“Our little buddy was taken by that horrible monster and we’re not going to let it stand.”

“We don’t even know what that thing was and why are you wrapping that around you like that?” Cooper asked.

“Yeah I don’t think you want that on you,” said Okura.

“Boot up gentlemen! Don’t let your little bits hit the ground or you just might enter a world of pain.”

“He’s lost it,” said Cooper who was clearly frustrated.

“Mike, I think that is…” Okura was trying to warn him but was abruptly cut off.

“I don’t want to hear it.”

“Yeah but…” Okura again tried.

“At…ta…ta…ta keep it shut,” said Mike who had a crazed look in his eye. It was more twitching than anything and it had the others on edge. What Mike didn’t know is he had taken the band from someone’s underwear, more specifically whitey tighties, however the word “white” no longer fit the description.

“Leave him be,” said Cooper, “We have more important issues to deal with right now.”

“What was that thing?” Okura asked.

“I don’t know but I do know it was loud and very angry. I don’t even want to imagine what it did to poor Sim.”

“Do you think it ate him Coop?” Okura asked but didn’t really want an answer to the question.

“No!” Mike shouted, “It took him.”

“Took him? Where?” Cooper asked.

“Back to its liar where it will eat him piece by piece. It will slowly enjoy the feast it has captured for the night and our friend is one of those captives,” Mike said painting a vivid crazy picture with his expressions. “See it is a gatherer and once it has gathered enough food for the night it holds a huge feast for one.”

“And how do you know all of this?” Cooper asked not convinced.

“I saw it on that animal show the prick was always watching.”

“That’s enough, look we can either wait here in this hole or we can go out there and look around for Sim but I am not going on some wild chase for some monster that doesn’t exist. We clear on this?” Cooper said willing to look for their friend but who was already assuming the worst case scenario.

“I thought better of you,” Mike said with disgust on his face, “I guess I was wrong.”

“Can we just go?” Okura said.

They climbed up to the edge of the hole and peeked out onto the street. It was dark and there was no sign of anyone or anything. One by one they crept out of the hole and on to the street. They followed down their same path trying to stay in the shadows as much as possible. Cooper made a few sly comments about why didn’t the monster pick up some of the trash they were stepping in but Mike just said the thing was unpredictable in its dinner choices. After what seemed like the longest walk in the history of walks for them Cooper suddenly stopped them in their tracks.

“Is that what I think it is?” He asked with a nervous tone.

“It is the beast,” said Mike with a growl in his voice.

“It’s huge,” Okura said in sheer terror.

“We can take it,” said Mike.

“Have you lost your damn mind?” Cooper said.

“I don’t think so.”

“That thing would swallow us up whole without even having to chew you fool,” said Cooper who by this time was not sure what to make of the situation.

“Let’s ask it for our friend back,” said Okura.

“Don’t be an idiot,” said Mike.

“I don’t think that’s such a bad idea Mike,” stated Cooper.

“What if it has already eaten him, huh? You ever thought of that? We disturb its slumber after its meal and it gets angry with us and then eats us,” Mike frantically warned them.

“Do you have a better idea?” Cooper asked.

“No…I mean…my plan was to attack it.”

“And you think that is a good plan?” Cooper asked him.

“Well…given the size and circumference of the beast maybe we should take a different approach,” Mike said a little more composed this time.

“Yeah that’s what I thought,” said Cooper, “Follow my lead.”

“Wait where are you going?” Okura asked in a panic but it was too late, Cooper had already put his plan in motion.

Cooper slowly made his way across the street as the other two followed close behind him. He nervously made his way in front of the giant beast and looked up at it in fear.

“Oh mighty beast please hear us out!” he shouted.

“Have you lost your mind? What are you doing?” Okura said from behind him.

A loud grumble followed by some smacking came from the beast.

“Who is there? Who is bothering me while I try to slumber?” said the beast.

“Slumber,” mumbled Mike.

Cooper gave him the shut your dang mouth right now look.

“Mighty beast we are just small miniscule beings looking for our friend that you might have mistakenly picked up,” said Cooper.

“Why should I care?” the beast grumbled.

“Honestly I don’t know but our friend was helping us on our journey that we were on before this unexpected set back. If you could just tell us if you ate him or if you plan on eating him then we will be on our way,” said Cooper.

“Eat him? Why would I eat him? I do not eat trash from the side of the road.”

“I apologize I was led to believe you did,” Cooper gave Mike the side eye.

“No, only the finest of fuels do I intake. Now if you want to check for your friend in my undercarriage then by all means suite yourself. Do not doddle however. I do not need passerby’s gawking as you little beings pilfer through my goods.”

“Thank you oh thank you. You are a kind beast,” said Cooper.

“I’m not going in there,” said Mike.

“What do you mean man? Come on and help us,” Cooper insisted.

“Nope. I am not messing around down in someone else’s undercarriage, have fun with that one.”


Cooper and Okura brushed back the thick bristles and entered the beast’s undercarriage. It was a moment of immediate regret and disgust.

“What is that smell?” Okura gagged, “It’s musty and oh no…I’m going to barf.”

“Pull yourself together man, we are in the shit now and there is no turning back,” Cooper said as if they were deep inside the jungle and at that point they might as well have been.

Thank you for reading my silly short story. I hope you enjoy it and that it brings laughter to your day.